Monday, July 19, 2010

Note to Father God to fix issues with Voldemort.

Dear Father God,

You are really confusing me right now. I know I prayed to you last night that I hope you will send me someone as good and as loving as Oliver one of these days, but I also understand that I really need to resolve some issues within me first before you will send me that someone. When I opened the Bible, the first words that I saw was "DO NOT COVET," which immediately put that Voldemort guy in the animated thoughts of my mind. Oh well, perhaps it's because he's the only guy I know I'm quite attracted with who already has someone special. Before I sleep, Lord you know very well that it was Oliver I was thinking about so I am just a little amazed that it was that Voldemort guy I dreamed about last night. Lord, I swear that I didn't think of him that much anymore, at least not as much as I used to a couple of weeks ago. I was even proud of myself that i was able to let my mind win over my heart again. We seldom talk online, as well, since I told him that I would prefer him emailing me na lang my writing projects. I really decided to put a stop to all this hullabaloos about him. And I meant that. Seriously. So I was really surprised to see him in my dream again.

AGAIN. Because when I checked on his FB page this afternoon and saw one of his photos, I remembered the face of the guy in my previous dream about the ring which i don't want to accept because I don't want to let go of the ring that Oliver gave to me. I'd been struck with a slice of realization that I was just denying to myself and that I already know from the moment I woke up that it was that Voldemort guy in that dream about the ring and it was his sad face that i saw.

Dear Lord, why does it have to be this way, to feel this way. I mean, I am more than okay now, or at least before that second dream occurred. I am even certain that I don't want to do anything with him anymore. I don't know if it was YOU or perhaps that side of me who always look for signs that I seem to always see his name everywhere I look, especially when I open the Bible. of all the names in the Bible, why do I have to see his name over and over again. Alright, given the fact that his name is really prominent in the Bible and in the story of this world, but.......I don't know! Or perhaps, I'm just being too praning? Or another perhaps, it's just an after-effect of watching Becoming Jane?

Lord, please, help me get out of this dilemma. I know this is part of your plan for me and this confusion is one of your ways for me to test my patience and my willpower against temptation. I just pray Lord that you make me stronger and may You bless me with a discerning mind and heart so I could distinguish Your voice from that of the devil's or from the voice coming from my heart's desires. I only give my trust to You for I know that you will take care of my heart.


No comments: