Monday, October 13, 2008

I Found A New Passion

Dialogue from last week’s small group session with Ate Noemi:

Noemi: Ikaw Apple, nakikita q sau ung potential na maging isang missionary.
Me: Ako? Missionary? Nyek! Tlga?
Noemi: Oo. Tandaan mo ‘tong araw na ‘to, this exact time na sinabi q sau yan. Believe me, magiging isang missionary ka.

And a smile was plastered on my face from that time onwards.

To be perfectly frank and honest, never in my 25 years of existence had I imagined or even thought of myself as going to various places all over the world and spreading the good news about God. I mean, of course I love God with all my heart and with all my soul, but I just can’t seem to see myself doing that kind of thing. Not that I’m ashamed of it. It’s more of, “man, I’m apple lopez. Ask those people who know me and let them define what kind of person I am? Do you think those people would believe the things I say?” Wheewww!

I am not a good person. I’m friendly and approachable, but I’m not really good. I have my own dark side. My mom could definitely attest that they’re all frantic in the house every time I lose my temper. I’m never a good daughter or a sister. Not even a great friend. So how, in all sense of the word ‘how’ could someone see me as a future missionary and lecturer of the mighty words of God?

Nevertheless, I must admit that that ‘odd’ statement from my small group leader really did make me smile from the inside out. And then again, I was blessed with another goal in my life; another thing to hope for—and that’s to be a missionary of God.

Most people who’ve known me since time immemorial may find this really funny. Moreover, I might be ridiculed by my beloved friends for this another realization of mine. I could imagine them bursting out their hearts out with laughter once they found out about this new ‘trip’ of mine.

Oh well, whatever! Unimaginable as it is, but I believe that God really planned my life to be as uniquely important as ever. He never wanted it to be simple, in the first place. My love story was created very distinctly wonderful, and ended as distinctly painful as planned.

Looking back, I was just an ordinary young lady who, in a way, already knows what she wants in her life: To be a well-celebrated writer, as simple as that. God, however, didn’t want me to be just any ordinary woman with simple hopes in life. He wants me to live a life full of greatness. So He decided to add some spices to my less-seasoned existence. He sprinkled in a cup-full of pain in my heart, dash it with a gallon of tears, and drop wonderful bits of surprises before shaking it over.

What I am right now is the upshot of that brilliant mixture. I will never know how strong I am without those seemingly happy, sad, and tragic incidents in my life that perfectly defined what I am today. I am not to say I’m happy that I lost a great love to the inexorable slash of death. I’ll be the most stupid and stone-hearted creature on earth if I say so. I will never be relieved of that painful thought. However, now I thankfully know the reason behind that tragedy. It is for me to find God once again and be able to accept a new mission in my life.

Come to think of it, had that tragedy didn’t happen to me, I might not be able to actually experience this great feeling of closeness to God. I may be just like the other people who know in their mind that God is God, but are never really putting Him in their hearts. Everything that I’m doing for my religion may just be an obligation to me had I not experienced that kind of pain. It was through that pain that God pulled me back closer to Him and made me feel His warm embrace. It was through that unwanted pain that I was able to see God as my father and not just a god that I have to worship.

God wants me to serve Him in my own way. He wants both me and Oliver to serve Him in our own special ways. We might not be able to do that if we’re together in this world that God decided to call one from us to be with Him and serve Him in His kingdom in heaven, and He deemed that Oliver is much deserving to be called that time than me since he’d already found his worthy purpose, and he’s such a good man that God didn’t want this sinful world to exploit his mind and character again. As for me, I still have lots of catching ups to do that I had to be left here. It was very excruciating at first, but as I went on with my growing faith in God, I’m slowly understanding the purpose of our meeting, our love story, and its tragic ending.

Now, aside from pursuing my long-time passion of being a well-celebrated writer (a true writer in that sense and not just writer-wannabes who are just wasting that spaces in the newspaper and magazines with their ‘posh’ beauty ideas), God instilled me another passion that I’ve yet to pursue once I’m ripe enough to do it…and that’s to reach out to those people who are still not aware of God’s existence or are too stubborn and moved by worldly things to follow God’s calling.

Yes, I’m claiming it now, I will be a missionary. I will go to various places all over the world to preach about the goodness of God. Never mind if this goal is a bit too complicated and dangerous, especially in Muslim places. I know God will be in this journey. I didn’t ask for this feeling. God was the one who put this realization in my heart, and that’s why I’m confident that I could make it.

I’m still a big-time sinner. I’m never a dutiful Christian. I still have my mood swings and I still can’t control my temper. I still feel I’m not worthy to be called the child of God. People might still say “kala q ba Christian ka, eh bakit ka ganyan?” to me whenever I did something wrong. But what I’m armed with now is that faith that God is working His way in my mind, my heart, and in my life. He’s slowly changing me. In time, my little baby-steps towards changing my negative traits will soon be manifested in my actions and in my words. In time, I will be deserving to be called a ‘Christian’ without people raising their brows after the declaration. In time, I will be able to help in making every nation a nation of God.

But for now, let me just use this little space in the web, my God-given talent, and my heart’s content in spreading the good news about God. I hope that in one way or the other, you may find in this thousand of words a piece of relief to rest your wary mind and heart.

God is forever goodJ

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

White Hat frozen Yogurt

Finally, i got to taste the frozen yogurt offering of White Hat in SM Mall of Asia. I was so curious of this fro-yo brand since i've been reading and hearing a lot about it for the past months.

and off i went to MOA just to have a taste of this fro-yo..

haplessly, white hat's fro-yo was not as yummy as i thought it to be..first of all, the yogurt is not that tangy..yogurt, i believe, must taste light in your tongue..with white hat, however, the fro-yo felt heavy on my tongue..oh well, perhaps it's because it's only 98% fat free..

what i also noticed about this fro-yo is that i felt thirsty after having my small cup, not like when i had my first large cup of California Berry's fro-yo.

Oh well, White Hat is not really as good and as yummy as i thought it to be..the only edge they have is their long choices of toppings..but above all, i stll prefer CaliforniaBerry over it:-)

Oliver's 27th Birthday

The memory of Oliver's birthday in 2003 is still vividly clear in my memory until now.. It was his first birthday with a very special someone..ahem,,that's me:-)

But really, according to him, his 23rd bday was the most memorable and special of all his birthdays since it was the very first time that he celebrated it with a girlfriend by his side. i don't know if he's saying the truth, but i believed him. i could see in his eyes the happiness and contentment he felt when we ended that day with a goodbye kiss..

The night before his birthday (30 sept 2003), he was actually having tantrums..feeling niya kse nde important sken ung bday niya..i was bluffing him kse that i have school on his birthday so im not sure if i could join him in his celebration..he was like 'ganon? nde ka ba pwedeng magabsent? ngaun nga lang aq magbbday na ksama ka eh tapos nde ka pa pala pede.."

I could really sense the 'tampo' in his voice that time, while I, on the other line, was trying very hard not to let out my almost uncontained laugh because of his reaction..

We ended the conversation that night with him having a sad heart cause he really believed im not gonna be there on his birthday the next day. If only he knows what im planning for his special day:-)

The next day, his birthday, i woke up super early and went straight to my cousin's house in malabon where i will pick up the specially made cake i ordered for oliver.

i was really supposed to surprise him with the cake beside his sleeping area in his room when he wakes up. unfortunately, nalate aq at nang magtext aq sa mama niya, his mom said he's alreay awake na and super anxious kse nde pa daw aq nagttext sa kaniya..adik tlga sken:-)

so since plan A was not feasible na that time, i opted to text him na lang and said that my class was cut short because my prof was absent kya i decided na lang to go to his house. i asked him to pick me up sa may kanto nila kse naman di ba, yoko namang bumaba ng street nila na may dala aqng malaking box ng cake--masyadong pa-sweet:-)

when i arrived in the area where he was supposed to fetch me, he wasn't there yet so i texted him and advised that im already waiting for him sa taas. when i saw him walking towards me with his 'gusot' hair, i immediately gave him the box of cake and sheepishly uttered 'happy birthday honey.'

man! he was really surprised! as in! i could see the astonishment in his eyes when he saw me and he saw the box..he was speechless for a moment, like as if he didn't know what to really say and how to actually react to the situation..

if only he could hug me tight and kiss me passionately that very moment, i know he would. dami lang tlgang taong dumadaan eh...

so we just went to his house. and yes, he was super proud of my gift to him..if only he could announce it to everyone in his neighborhood:-)

he immediately kept the cake in th e reft after showing it to his mom and tita..he took a bath and after few more minutes if dressing up, we left their house to celebrate his birthday in a place where we could enjoy our special moment of privacy:-)

but before we left, he even managed to make bilin to his mom not to eat the cake or never let anyone eat the cake..he wants that when he comes back, he could still see his complete name in the cake:-0

While we were on our way out, i asked him if he wants us to stay in his house na lang so he could also celebrate his birthday with his family..and he answered me with this: 'mas gusto q ikaw ang kasama q ngaung bday q..mas masaya aq kapag ikaw kasama q..."

touching noh? i could only blush.

we literally spent the whole day together--cuddling each other, whispering sweet nothings, and dreaming of our wonderful future together...

before the day breaks, i asked him to go home na since im sure his family would love to spend with him his birthday and i know that they also prepared something for him.,,though he doesn't really want, he still gave in kse nga i requested him to. im not that selfish to just have him all by myself on his day...his family must enjoy his birthday with him, too..

the minute he arrives in his house, he immediately called me up and we again chatted for more than an hour..he just can;t get enough of me..super addicted:-)

Oliver was so thankful of me because as he said, i made his 23rd bday so wonderful, meaningful, and very remarkable. and yes, that was his most happiest birthday ever:-)

His 23rd birthday was his first and last birthday we celebrated together..he wasn't able to celebrate his 24th bday with me, or with us, since few days before that, God called him to join Him again in His kingdom in heaven..

Today is Oliver's 27th birthday. Eventough we're very far apart, im pretty sure he's still celebrating it with sure he's blissfully happy wherever he is now..

To my one and only true love, happy birthday..i'll be loving you for eternity:-) until we meet again...

You First Believed - Dyanne (original by hoku)