Monday, December 7, 2009

Outpouring # 3

I wish I could still hear your voice today.
I wish I could still feel your warm embrace and your gentle touch.
I wish I could still hold your hand so tight to tell you I'm not letting go.
I wish I could still hear you say "iloveyou."

I wish you could still join me on my Christmas shoppings.
I wish you could still join me hearing Sunday preachings at Victory.
You should've told me you're a born-again Christian, too.
i wish I could still kiss you when the church leader would say 'greet your loved one beside you.'
I wish we could still hold hands while walking along the busy but amicably serene Manila Bay.

I wish you could see how I look good in my newly-cut hair.
I wish you could be one of those people who remarked that my new look fits me well.
I wish we could still celebrate our monthsary in December at Enchanted Kingdom, like what we did during our 14th month of being together.

I wish you could still hear me say 'iloveyou.'
I wish you could still feel the warmth of my embrace.
I wish I could still prepare your food and put lots of rice on your plates when you eat at our house.
I wish I could still talk to you over the phone and talk just about everything.
I wish I could still wait for your late night calls and sneak out from my room when i hear the phone rings.

I wish we could still grow old together.
I wish we could create more wonderful memories with each other.

it could have been us forever.
we could have built a wonderful family of ours.
We could have 5 beautiful and adorable kids calling us 'mommy and daddy.'
We could have lived together in a nice house we jointly built for our family.
We could have shared countless breakfasts, lunches, dinners,a nd even mid-night snacks together.
I could have learned to cooka special dish just for you--even if I really loathe cooking.
I could have been the greatest wife in your world and you could have been the greatest husband in mine.
We could have been the greatest and most loving parents for our little kids.

But we aren't. We no longer can.
I could just wish for those things.
I know you could just wish for those, too.
God has a different plan for our lives--very different from what we planned for ours.
While He chose me to stay and continue the journey of my life, He chose you to join Him in His paradise.

Now, I find myself doing my Christmas shopping alone.
It seems I don't want anybody to do shopping with me other than you.
I am alone. I am in deep pain.
But life should go on. Life must go on.
I still have a journey to continue.
I still have a chapter to unravel.
Who knows what God has in store for me in the future.
I'm just holding on to my dear faith that things will be better again.
I will feel better again.

A lot of what-might-have-been's.
A lot of what-used-to-be's.
But God works in ways we can never comprehend and contest.
I always believe in God's wonderful ways.

I might not be able to end up calling you my 'official husband.'
But you will always be the only true love my heart knows.
We may be a divinely world's apart.
But all our wonderful memories will always keep us closer, at least for the rest of mine.

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