Kapag May Ginugulo, May Binubuong Maganda

“When you feel that your life is
troubled now, believe that He is working things out to make everything a lot better for you…”

Thus uttered by our Pastor this Sunday’s church service—and that which really touched the very deep part of my mom’s heart. When I invited my mom to join me in the service last Saturday night, I was actually expecting to get a “tsaka na lang” answer from her. But no, I didn’t get that answer from her. Instead, she readily agreed to join me in the service.
The next day, while on our way to St. Thomas Square to attend the service, I was praying to God that He may touch my Mom through the day’s service and sharing and that she may find peace of mind and calmness of soul in whatever God’s message will be send out for the day.

And yes, God did hear my prayer. Not only did His words touch my Mom’s heart, but He even gave an answer to the questions that’s been running in her mind at present and even comforted her grief-stricken heart. Oh well, He also manifested His love and power to me that day.

For a couple of weeks now, our family’s been experiencing total sadness for the passing of my Tita Malu. It was the early dawn of June 21, 2008 when God peacefully carried on her tired physical body, which was long been battling with cancer, and welcomed her into His wonderful home in heaven. No, it wasn’t sudden. We were actually almost expecting that to occur—only that, we were still earnestly praying that what we’re expecting may not happen very soon. But it did, and it was very painful.

Nearly four year after the death of Oliver, I felt that familiar pain again—that pain which if only I could, I would really try to run away from my entire life. But I can’t, and we can’t. Seeing the gaunt, lifeless body of my once prettiest and cheerful Tita inside the coffin made me welcome that “most unwanted pain” again in my heart. That episode when we saw from a distance my tita’s coffin being brought near my lola’s house and seeing her lifeless body inside that metallic green box for the first time, was indeed one of the most painful part. Until now, I still can’t believe Tita Malu’s already gone for good.

Everyone in the family were totally devastated for this sad episode of our family’s drama—most especially my Tita’s husband and two little kids. We fought together as one united family in my Tita’s battle for cancer. We never stop praying for miracles. We never stop trusting God that everything will be well again with Tita Malu.

But that miracle we were all praying for didn’t happen. No matter how many pray-overs and healing masses/ceremonies, still Tita Malu didn’t survive that painful streak of cancer.
With this sad occurrence, can we say God is unjust and unfaithful to His people? Was he deaf with our prayers and blind and insensitive with our pains and sufferings?

NO. God is never unjust. Good thing that before Tita Malu left us, she was able to encourage the whole family to attend spiritual services at Loved Flock—the Catholic Community she was actively involved in with her husband. Through those spiritual seminars, my family got to know God more and feel Him much intimately in their hearts. True, they were always attending mass every Sundays, Fridays, and even Wednesdays, but their relationship to God is never different from that of an employee to his employer—distant and one-dimensional.

Perhaps, there were still questioning God at one point or the other. There may be some of us who, while badly missing Tita Malu, would think of turning his/her back away from God for he/she thinks that God is unjust and unfaithful for what He’d allow to occur in our family. But the good news is, God is very patient and understanding to us. He never carries grudges against His people for always exchanging Him for worldly pleasures and few moments of fun. Instead, He is always patiently waiting for us to realize His worth in our lives and make known to us of His great love for all His creations.

We may be in torturing pain right now, but just as what the Pastor this Sunday morning said, “When God is allowing this confusion and sorrow occur in your life, believe that He is cooking up something much greater for your own good…” And yes, these words from the Pastor made my mother cry. She told me that she felt that God was really talking to her this morning through those words from the Pastor. And yes, she never felt more relieved till now ever since Tita Malu left us. And glad I was more for I know that progressively, my Mom’s starting to have a more intimate relationship with God. He is indeed working His ways in my mother's life now.

God is never unfair. He is never deaf nor blind. Whatever circumstance we may be having right now, hard as it is, just believe that everything is with a wonderful purpose from God. I should know. I’ve been through hell and back when Oliver died, but now I’m glad to say that the God’s message for me through that painful event is slowly being uncovered to me. And yes, with God’s love, I am slowly getting by. I know that with this another painful event, God is again working His powerful ways to shower us with bountiful of love and blessings.
And whenever I feel down and out, missing Tita super bad, I just listen to this praise song that which never fails to comfort my grief-stricken heart now...

“When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are God”