Four Years

Tomorrow will mark the fourth year that I accidentally welcomed this perpetual pain in my heart and in my life. It was around 1am of September 16, 2004, when the door of happiness shut itself from me. My world was crushed into tiny pieces. To be honest, I really didn’t know then how to still go on with my life. I felt like gasping every moment of my waking days.

Four years ago, the only love I know my life bid me goodbye to join the Mighty Creator in Heaven. Life was never the same for me since then. Four years and I had to live a life of pretensions and fantasies. I had to fake my strength, hoping eventually that I could be able to make it. I didn’t know that such tragic incident could really happen to me.

All my life, I only wished for one man to fill in the empty space in my heart and the one whom I’ll gladly spend the rest of my breathing days with. Indeed, I found that man. I found that single soul who really changed the way I looked at love and the world. I found that man who I could consider the sole person who was able to see me beyond my happy façade. He saw me through my glorious days and my downtrodden nights and he never showed a single hint of losing faith in me. He saw me through my ugly days, yet still found me charming and adorable.

We were so in love. We had lots of wonderful dreams for our future. We had our plan carefully mapped out. We were one. Until that day that God decided to call him back to His kingdom. As much as I want to contest, there’s really no contesting the Creator. And so I had to give up.

I gave up. I surrendered. I’m hurting. Never had I imagined that I would experience and feel this piercing pain in my heart.

May God, who’d been my GREAT REFUGE and my WONDERFUL REASON FOR SURVIVAL through all those four years of struggle, bless me with a brand new heart who can now hope for better days to come.

Four years…how many more years must I wait before I could finally say ‘I’m sincerely okay’?