Happy 8th!

Last 10/21, i celebrated our anniversary with of course, Oliver's family:-) It's been like a tradition already and sort of a reunion since it's almost always the only time of the year when I could get to really see the other members of his family who are really close to me. Haplessly with this year's mini celebration, we weren't able to have papa Turing join us since he has work that day.


***my honey six years after***


***Oliver's family***



This year is the 6th year that I'm celebrating our anniversary alone. Oh well, I know for sure he is also merry-making this day with his angel pals in heaven, but i couldn't deny the fact that I still miss those few precious moments we spent celebrating this special day together--or at least every 21st of the month.

I would be honest to say that the manner I celebrated our anniversary this year was very different from the previous years. Well, I still went to his grave and brought him flowers, met his family lunchtime and had lunch with them, and talked about him a bit--but perhaps God has really changed a good portion of my heart on how to deal with my past, with that particular episode of my life. God enlightened me completely that what happened was His will, His perfect plan for both our lives. Back then, I was so confused and blinded of the real purpose, the reason why God let that thing happened, but I chose to be faithful and wait for that time when I could finally understand the reason why. When I found my way back to God in 2007 and started my walk with Him, I started to see the reasons behind. It's as if God really opened my eyes.

I keep saying this: God loves me so much that He let that thing happened to me. I believe that and will believe that till the day I could get to meet my Savior face to face. God has lots of great plans for me but He wants to be part of that plan as the sole Anchor that He decided to break first my hardened heart with that tragedy so He could get in. It might be hard to understand at first and some would even think of God as selfish or brutal, but once you get to know Him and understand His words perfectly, you'll feel even overwhelmed of God's love for you.

I lost one of the great loves of my life, the only man who first believed in me and saw the real beauty and treasure in me--physically. For I know that in my heart and in my mind, Oliver will always stay with me. I might have lost him but I found the greatest MAN one could ever have-JESUS!

During the first few years since Oliver died, I always tell myself that I will only open my heart and love again when I'll finally meet that guy who is deserving enough to make me take off the necklace that Oliver gave me from my neck. Well guess what? I still hasn't found that mortal guy. But someone even more special and more deserving made me take off that necklace. JESUS. Now, I'm no longer wearing that necklace. I'm now more than ready to move and let go, NOT really forgetting Oliver but more of, truly accepting the fact that he's more than happy living his life with God now and His angels and that I still have a life to live.

When I accepted God in my heart, my life became more at peace and joyful for I know that I am walking with the Greatest MAn this world could ever have.

God's been the source of my strength throughout those mourning years. He's been my shield and sole protector. If not for God, I might have long bid this world goodbye. I love Oliver but I love God more!

God made the wonderful difference in the manner I celebrated our anniversary this year:-)

And I Love You So...

It was August 21st--our 104th monthsary. Friday night and I had nothing to do so I decided to watch And I Love You So--Out of curiosity because a friend told me I could relate to this movie very well. So i did.

And yes, that friend of mine was right. I could very well relate. At what point? No, it isn't only a single point because there were lots, so here are the points:


• Lara’s husband’s name is Oliver. My one true love’s name is Oliver.
• Oliver in the movie died in October. My Oliver died in September; his birth month was October. We became lovers in October.
• Lara and Oliver in the movie only got to spend 5 months as husband and wife since Oliver died on the very day of Lara’s birthday. Me and Oliver got to spend two wonderful years together as boyfriend and girlfriend before God finally called him back to His kingdom. Lara’s luckier since she was able to marry her greatest love and got to be called Mrs Oliver Cruz, while I could only dream of mine and Oliver’s wedding and just settle on adding his surname to my name through my yahoo mail account.
• Oliver’s family in the movie loves Lara so much that the mother even asked Lara to just live with them in their house. Likewise for me, Oliver’s family also does love me, and they never blame me for whatever happened to him. They continued loving me and showing me importance and great affection even after Oliver’s death.
• Lara in the movie is a pre-school teacher and runs her own pre-school which was provided for her by Oliver. I am currently preparing for my entrance exam in UP for a Masters in Education Teaching in the Early Grade so I could be equipped with enough knowledge to teach in pre-school and have my own pre-school in the future.
• Lara in the movie wears some of the stuff of Oliver such as his watch. I used to wear Oliver’s pajama pair and his shirt and sando. There were also moments before when I used to put all of his stuff beside my pillow at night just so I could feel him near me. I stopped doing those things, but I’m still using his blanket.
• Lara talks to Oliver like as if he’s still alive. I used to talk to Oliver every waking moment of my life since he left. I talked to him in the morning, lunchtime, dinner time, and before I go to sleep. I also talk to him whenever I visit him in the cemetery. (But of course, things changed when I became a Christian)
• There was a part in the movie when Lara refused to accept the love that Sam Milby was offering her just because she doesn’t want to forget the love she gave her husband. She doesn’t want to create new memories with another man.
A year after my Oliver died, I met a guy who openly confessed his love for me and that he’s willing to leave her girlfriend that time for me. Alright, alright, that’s seems sooo superficial for those people who’ve known me since I was in grade school, but guys, that’s super true, too I myself can’t believe that was true
But of course, being the love-struck with my first love that I am, I refused that offer, and I haven’t heard from him after.
The second year after Oliver’s death, another guy came into the picture and would like to take Oliver’s space. Again, I refused. On the third year, another guy came again, and that time, I seemed to like the guy, too. But then again, like is very much different from love so I refused that guy’s offer, too. On the 4th year, two guys showed their interest for me, which I both carefully declined.
After Oliver died, I honestly felt my hair is already reaching the floor I wasn’t wooed by guys before—to that effect. Before I met Oliver, I even used to feel I’m never pretty enough to be liked by guys. And then suddenly, there were those guys who openly professed their affection for me. In other occasion, I might have accepted their offer one by one (dyosa aq!), but then again, my life was made different with Oliver’s coming into my life and his death. When he died, I felt that my heart died with him, too, that it can never beat again. My heart belongs to him and I wanna die loving him the same way he died loving only me. It was just so hard opening your heart again to welcome a new love because you know in your heart that it’s already taken in full by your one and only love.

• One memorable part in the movie for me was when Lara tried doing the things she and Oliver did together when he was still alive, like watching movies or eating in a fine-dining restaurant, and going to the places they used to go to together. If I could relate, I was once as coward as she was in the start. I used to be so afraid passing by those places we used to visit together, or even eat the foods we used to eat together. It took me three or four years before I finally watched a movie in a movie house again. I felt so pathetic that time. I felt my world suddenly became small that the things I could do suddenly became limited just because I was afraid to inflame the pain in my heart again. But then again, God’s very good that He really helped me throughout my mourning and adjusting phase. I didn’t plan on it but one morning, I suddenly felt ready to visit those places I used to avoid and let myself watch a movie alone. That was really magical. I suddenly felt emancipated.

For now, those were just the things that I deemed common between me and the story of Lara in the movie. I don’t have any inkling if God would want our story to be akin until the end—which is me finding a new love again. One thing’s for sure, I still love my Oliver, I’ll continue loving him and I’ll never ever forget him until the day of our reunion. However, that doesn’t mean my heart’s still close for a new love. God already opened it. I’ll just let God lead the way for me. After all, He is the creator of the best love stories in this world