To The Greatest Man In My Life

My Little Girl (Steve Kirwan)

From the moment I first held you

And rocked you to sleep
In my heart I knew
A child is never yours to keep
I knew one day you’d learn to fly
But I never dreamed what I’d feel inside

CHORUS

As I dance the last dance
With my little girl
And the first with the woman
Who’s found her place in the world
I see the woman in you
But for my whole life through
You’ll always be my little girl

You wrapped me ’round your finger
Your smile made me melt
I wished so many times
I would’ve told you what I felt
From your first steps
to sweet sixteen
The rush of memories
feels like a dream

CHORUS

I see the woman in you
But for my whole life through
You’ll always be my little girl

That’s the lyrics from the song that my Uncle Narding and my cousin Ate Melissa danced during her wedding some 4 or 5 years ago. The way they danced it was very heart-rending. Perhaps because we know for a fact that they’re really sweet to each other, like they’re the best pair to interpret that song.

The first time I heard that song, I almost cried. The lyrics and the melody’s just so touching. Back then, I dreamed that one day, i will also dance that song with Papa on my wedding day.

Five years later. No Father-Daughter dance on a wedding day happened between me and Papa. Worst, Papa already packed his physical self away from this world to join the Mighty Creator. So yes, there’s no chance I could ever dance that song again with him on my wedding day. I’m not even sure if that wedding day will happen anytime soon since I haven’t found my future husband yet. Oh well, save that for another post.

Today’s the first birthday of Papa which he’s celebrating with Jesus in heaven. His first birthday ever that he’s physically away from us.

I don’t want to magnify him and say he’s the greatest dad of all just because he’s already gone and it’s his birthday today. In all honesty, my dad’s not at all great in carrying out his role as a father. In fact, we had a lot of misunderstandings before. There were even months when we would not talk to each other over some issues concerning our attitudes. During my college years, I used to detest him. I used to think of him then as ‘epal’ and ‘kontrabida’ in my life’s drama. I also found his reasoning ‘mababaw’ most of the time.

Another thing that I didn’t like about him was his being so ‘mautos’ like even if he could already reach something, he would still call us to get it for him. He was also inconsiderate of our emotions like he would often jest my sister that her cooking’s not good even if he could really finish the entire dish all by himself, or he would tell me i’m not smart enough, etc. Perhaps most of them were just his usual banters but still, if you’re a daughter, of course you would want to hear words of encouragement from your father. Haplessly, my father wasn’t the type and he wasn’t the person you should come to if you need a lift or a boost.

I also didn’t like it that he was inconsiderate of my mom’s ‘pagod’ and her effort to take care of him especially when he’s confined in the hospital. Plus, he’s very ‘kuripot.’ I could barely count with my fingers the times I could remember him giving us money when we asked of him. Most of the time he would say, “tama na. may pagkain nman diyan eh.” or “wag kayong masyadong maluho.”

You see, Papa’s not really your fresh-from-the-Armageddon-movie type of father who’s really ever supportive and sweet to his daughter. Or maybe, he was just not the showy type or he’s not that too transparent of his emotions unlike some fathers. He’s also not the type who would spoil his kids with different stuff. I can’t even remember him buying us a thing that we really liked. He was just not the spoiling type.

Ask me how I feel about it when I was younger and I would answer you with a crisp “i’m just not lucky enough to have a good father.”

But now I could perfectly understand and appreciate my dad’s unique way of raising us up. I’m not saying this because he’s already dead and it’s his birthday today, but because that’s true. That’s a straight from the heart answer from a grown up lady who was able to look beyond the usual banters, inconsiderate side comments, and often irritating ‘utos’ of her father.

Papa’s not at all perfect. In fact, there were a number of times he failed my expectation of a good father. But I wholeheartedly appreciate the way he brought us up to be God-fearing, good, responsible, respectful, selfless, humble, loving, and generous women. If not for his‘pangaral’ when we were growing up, we wouldn’t be the kind of person we are today. He never failed to remind us of the importance of ‘pakikipag-kapwa-tao.’ I remember he used to tell me that your intelligence is of no use if you don’t know how to treat all people the right way. I used to get mad at him whenever he asked me to help our maid clean the house before. Now, I hold in high regard his unending nudges because I grew up not treating house helps as just mere ‘maids’ or workers but as a real member of the family. And we didn’t grow up feeling like senyoritas because Papa already inculcated in our minds that we’re not, and we’re just mere member of a family who needs to help the other members of the family.

He didn’t spoil us with various stuff when we were growing up because he wanted us to be responsible for our needs. Papa wanted us to appreciate the value of hard work more than the value of money. That’s primarily why we didn’t grow up depending on other people for whatever needs we may have. We asked for help but we didn’t really relied on them totally. Personally, I grew up as an independent woman who knows the importance of being responsible for your own life. All thanks to my parents.

I grew up knowing God and putting Him in the center of my life because of my parents, especially Papa. I value the importance of attending church as a family every Sunday because of him, and that you should not treat the church as a movie house wherein you will arrive late and will just repeat the next mass to where you started.

Papa thought us to be on top of our game all the time. He didn’t encourage mediocrity that’s why he always gave us unnecessary side comments before because he wanted us to strive harder. He wanted us to give our best shot in everything we do.

I appreciate the value of walking and going to places you don’t know through him. If there’s one thing I would really commend my father, that’s his ability to know each and every directions on the road. My dad embodied the real definition of the term ‘street smart.’ He’s not afraid of going to unfamiliar places because he believed there’s always a way out and that you just need to ask for the right directions.

Did I just magnify Papa in this post?

Nope, I didn’t. I just stated real truths about the first greatest man in my life. Those are the things I’ll forever be grateful for.  The father that God blessed me with may not be the best dad this world could ever have, but I am thankful because he was able to raise us to the best he could. He might have gone from this world but the things he taught us, the words he inculcated in us, and the good values he left us with will forever linger in our hearts and minds and will be passed on to posterity.

Happy Birthday Papa Dearest!

Tito Erning* Tito Narding* Papa

Why I Love Spring

I love the Spring Season. A bit odd because I live in the Philippines and I haven’t really experienced that season ever, since we only recognize two seasons in our tropical country–summer and rainy.

But I love Spring. I can’t remember when my love for this particular season started. I just realized one day that I’m becoming hooked on browsing spring images on the net and using it as either background for my blog site or for my desktop. Furthermore, when I search for themes for my sites, I often look for spring themes. I even got glued on watching videos and reading poems and stories about this delightful season.

Perhaps I learned to love spring because I love the idea of the flowers opening their blooms and showing off their beauty. I love spring flowers! I’m not much of a flower lady but when i think of spring flowers especially cherry blossoms, I’m really delighted.

I love spring because I love to fancy about snow melting, grasschanging from brown to green, the air getting warmer, and the sun rising up in the earlier hours of the morning.

I love spring because it is the season when the birds start building their nests. They say that the sound of birds singing is one of the first signs of spring.  This is also the season for new born lambs.

I love spring because I love imagining myself smelling that distinct fragrance of the spring season while walking down the street and feeling the rush of excitement for welcoming this blissful season.

I love spring because everything seems so colorful, vibrant and fresh. Like it’s the nature’s way of saying ‘Let’s Party!’

I love spring because for most part, it symbolizes hope and a new beginning. They say that it’s God’s way of saying that there are still wonderful things to look forward to in life after a season of drought or sadness. Now’s the time to renew, recharge and freshen up and forget the bad things that occurred during the last season.

I love spring because it is the season of love. For those who’ve been hurt in the past, spring is the time to let go of that bitter feeling and welcome love in their hearts again. As for people who’ve never experienced being in love before, spring is the time of hope and great expectations. It is the time to explore and enjoy life like you’ve always wanted. Mostly, love often blooms during the spring season.

Perhaps I love spring because of the hope and the comfort it brings to weary souls. It is the time to relax, smell the flowers, be in one with nature, marvel at the wonderful creations of God, and simply expect for great things to come:-)

Not Your Everyday Sweet Treats from God:-)

Miracles do happen to people everyday. The fact that you’re still alive reading this post is one great proof of that statement. We know that He works in our lives but sometimes, the way He works seem too obvious for us to notice–like we could really feel Him walking beside us, doing the miracle right before our very eyes.

Last night, I was privileged to experience and witness firsthand some sweet treats from God:-)

Since it’s a Friday, I could stay late to finish my online work so I decided to yield into my friend Michelle’s long-standing invitation for a videoke night. She and Erika wanted to go to Redbox. Being the budget-conscious that I am these days since I’m trying to save up for my upcoming trips, and Redbox being super expensive, I looked for some cheapo but still fine videoke place along Makati. Haplessly, either the places I suggested were already fully booked for the entire night, or Erika and Michelle doesn’t like the place.  Alright, so I decided to just give in to their going-gagah-over-Redbox mood. In my mind, I’m starting to calculate my budget and my savings if ever I’ll splurge a bit that night. However, since I sort of promised God that I will try not to do so much calculations about my money this year, I decided to stop my mental computations and opted to just entrust my budget to God.

And the first treat happened….

My sister kept nudging me about that Coffee Bean tumbler which I promised to give her as a post-Christmas gift. I don’t really have extra that time since I planned on buying it for her the next month. However, i thought of just giving it to her now so she’ll stop making kulit na. I was pretty sure of the amount of folded money I had in my wallet that time but to my surprise, I got extra P500 bill in that fold.  I really can’t believe it but I didn’t dwell much on the questions as to how that P500 bill got there or thought of other bills I forgot to pay. I just thanked God for I know that He’d just provided me an extra for that night.

On our way to Makati, the rain was falling sparingly. When we reached Ayala Avenue, Michelle texted me saying Redbox was already fully booked so she asked if we could just dine out or have coffee. That was the second treat of God:-) He just saved my P499!

Okay, so I dropped off my sister to her office and went straight to Mandarin Hotel where Erika and Michelle were waiting for me. On my way there, the rain began falling generously. I prayed to God to make the rain stop so we could enjoy the night out. To my dismay, the rain fell even heavier that i just decided to pass by the lobby of Mandarin Hotel instead of the employees’ entrance. Little did I know that the next surprises were up for grabs:-)

I went straight to the Public Relations office and saw my former colleagues there. Since we’re no longer going to Redbox, ERika left na for her yoga class. We exchanged some kwentos andkamustahans before Michelle decided to eat at Tin Hau. I would really want to just dine out since first of all, Tin Hau’s very expensive since it’s rate is that of a 5-star hotel; and second of all, I would want us to have more freedom to make kwento. But Michelle insisted and I couldn’t disagree more since the rain was really falling very hard that time. So we went to Tin Hau which is located at the 2nd floor of Mandarin Hotel. I just decided to prepare myself and my wallet  for the worst.

We ordered my favorite almond shrimp and two other dishes. Michelle then decided to invite the other PR ladies who came after me–Chenee and Donna. Since the PR boss was still in the office working, we decided to invite Ms.Charisse to join us, too. I missed her anyway so i thought it would be nice to exchange kwentos with her again after i left Mandarin. Good thing, Ms.Charisse accepted our invitation and joined us for a late dinner. After almost an hour of laughs and chats, Ms.Charisse decided to leave na since she still has millions of things to do for the upcoming event of the hotel. Few more minutes after Ms.Charisse left, Michelle asked for the bill. To our bewilderment, the manager of Tin Hau told us that Ms.Charisse already signed the bill (meaning, it would be deducted to her personal ledger on payday). We immediately called Ms.Charisse and confirmed it with her, and she just said it’s her treat to us. That moment, I could really hear the angels sing:-) My money just got saved again:-) And we even had free desserts courtesy of  Tin Hau’s manager.

Off to my last treat for the night…

Since the night’s still young, we decided to chill at Martini’s–the bar inside Mandarin Hotel. However, since Martinis has a dress code and I was wearing a jumpsuit last night, we decided to just stay at Captain’s Bar. Michelle ordered ladies’ drinks for us. The price of the drinks at that lounger is higher than your usual bar since it’s a hotel rate. Nevertheless, I just gave in since I haven’t spend a single amount for a food that night. So we chatted and chatted until we felt tired of talking and laughing. When we were about to get our bill, the attendant at Martinis told Michelle they’ll just fix the bill the next day because they’re just so busy that time. They didn’t even bother  checking what our orders were and how much would that be just in case. Well perhaps because they know us and they could see Michelle everyday in the hotel. But still, it’s close to saying  ’hey, don’t bother paying. it’s our treat!’ And to this moment, no one ever contacted Michelle for that bill.

You see, I got lots obvious of sweet treats from God last night. I could really picture Him smiling at my bewilderment with the way He orchestrated everything for that spur of the moment lakad. From the rain that didn’t stop when I prayed for it to stop to the last part of that gimik night, I really felt God with us. God didn’t listen to my prayer for the rain to stop because if He did,  I would have not experienced and enjoy His other treats for me which He carefully prepared for me, for us, that night. I would have not enjoyed His other blessings had I just relied on the money in my wallet and in my worries about my savings.

Indeed, God is really a God of miracles and wonderful smiles. Just when you thought there’s no way out, He’ll come crashing a wall just so you can pass through it and meet His provisions there:-)

I’m expecting a miracle today. Are you?