Quiet Time Message: You Are Not Invisible In MY Eyes

I rarely hear the small voice of God. I always long for it but I fail to hear it as often as I would want to. In my quiet times, one thing that I always look forward to is that wonderful moment that I could get to hear His still small voice.

Before I became a Christian, I didn’t think that it was really possible to hear God’s voice. I had this notion then that God would only listen to my prayers but He would not let His voice be heard by a ‘commoner’ like me. I thought then that His voice was also exclusive for the really spiritual ones.

But God proved me wrong about that notion the second time last May 15, a Sunday, during my quiet time with Him. I was reading the book of Judges in the Bible and I was already in the story of Gideon. Just a brief backgrounder, Gideon was a young  man from the tribe of Manasseh. During that time, Gideon’s family was the least in the said tribe and he was the weakest in their clan. That was why when the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon one day, he was apprehensive when the angel told him he was going to save the Israelites from the Midianites. He just couldn’t believe that God would pick him from the other much stronger and worthy men from their tribes.

But God chose Gideon. Despite him belonging to the least clan in the Tribe of Manasseh and him being the weakest in that clan, still God chose him.

I don’t know why but as I uttered my prayer to God that time, I felt like the words didn’t just come from me but from God. The moment I said the words “I am not invisible in Your eyes,” the tears went down from my eyes. I knew that very moment that God was really talking to me, that He was really making me hear His voice. God told me that I should not feel small or that I don’t matter at all because He could see me. He could see me worshipping Him and even if I’m just one among those many people singing praises to Him on a Sunday service at church, I matter so much to Him and that He appreciates everything about me. That even if sometimes I feel like I’m a loser, God still finds favor in me and that He puts great trust in my ability.

I cried that time because I was in great awe of God. He is indeed a personal God. I just couldn’t contain the overflowing love and reverence to God that I felt that time that my tears just couldn’t stop from flowing.
My prayer to God after that was for that feeling to always reside in my heart; that that overwhelming feeling would be my shield everytime the enemy will put words of anger and insecurity in my heart and mind; and that I would just dwell in His loving presence all the days of my life.

I am not at all a good person. I failed God a million of times in my life. But that precious moment when He let me hear His voice, I just felt God was telling me that His loving will forever be unconditional.
God will never turn His back from us.

I just hope and pray that I could give back to Him even at least a portion of that kind of love He’s been showering me since the day I was born. I hope and pray I could love Him enough not to hurt Him by doing wicked things and to consider Him first and foremost in everything that I do.

I pray that as I continue this wonderful walk with Him, one of these days, I will be that kind of daughter God desires me to be.

Not Your Everyday Sweet Treats from God:-)

Miracles do happen to people everyday. The fact that you’re still alive reading this post is one great proof of that statement. We know that He works in our lives but sometimes, the way He works seem too obvious for us to notice–like we could really feel Him walking beside us, doing the miracle right before our very eyes.

Last night, I was privileged to experience and witness firsthand some sweet treats from God:-)

Since it’s a Friday, I could stay late to finish my online work so I decided to yield into my friend Michelle’s long-standing invitation for a videoke night. She and Erika wanted to go to Redbox. Being the budget-conscious that I am these days since I’m trying to save up for my upcoming trips, and Redbox being super expensive, I looked for some cheapo but still fine videoke place along Makati. Haplessly, either the places I suggested were already fully booked for the entire night, or Erika and Michelle doesn’t like the place.  Alright, so I decided to just give in to their going-gagah-over-Redbox mood. In my mind, I’m starting to calculate my budget and my savings if ever I’ll splurge a bit that night. However, since I sort of promised God that I will try not to do so much calculations about my money this year, I decided to stop my mental computations and opted to just entrust my budget to God.

And the first treat happened….

My sister kept nudging me about that Coffee Bean tumbler which I promised to give her as a post-Christmas gift. I don’t really have extra that time since I planned on buying it for her the next month. However, i thought of just giving it to her now so she’ll stop making kulit na. I was pretty sure of the amount of folded money I had in my wallet that time but to my surprise, I got extra P500 bill in that fold.  I really can’t believe it but I didn’t dwell much on the questions as to how that P500 bill got there or thought of other bills I forgot to pay. I just thanked God for I know that He’d just provided me an extra for that night.

On our way to Makati, the rain was falling sparingly. When we reached Ayala Avenue, Michelle texted me saying Redbox was already fully booked so she asked if we could just dine out or have coffee. That was the second treat of God:-) He just saved my P499!

Okay, so I dropped off my sister to her office and went straight to Mandarin Hotel where Erika and Michelle were waiting for me. On my way there, the rain began falling generously. I prayed to God to make the rain stop so we could enjoy the night out. To my dismay, the rain fell even heavier that i just decided to pass by the lobby of Mandarin Hotel instead of the employees’ entrance. Little did I know that the next surprises were up for grabs:-)

I went straight to the Public Relations office and saw my former colleagues there. Since we’re no longer going to Redbox, ERika left na for her yoga class. We exchanged some kwentos andkamustahans before Michelle decided to eat at Tin Hau. I would really want to just dine out since first of all, Tin Hau’s very expensive since it’s rate is that of a 5-star hotel; and second of all, I would want us to have more freedom to make kwento. But Michelle insisted and I couldn’t disagree more since the rain was really falling very hard that time. So we went to Tin Hau which is located at the 2nd floor of Mandarin Hotel. I just decided to prepare myself and my wallet  for the worst.

We ordered my favorite almond shrimp and two other dishes. Michelle then decided to invite the other PR ladies who came after me–Chenee and Donna. Since the PR boss was still in the office working, we decided to invite Ms.Charisse to join us, too. I missed her anyway so i thought it would be nice to exchange kwentos with her again after i left Mandarin. Good thing, Ms.Charisse accepted our invitation and joined us for a late dinner. After almost an hour of laughs and chats, Ms.Charisse decided to leave na since she still has millions of things to do for the upcoming event of the hotel. Few more minutes after Ms.Charisse left, Michelle asked for the bill. To our bewilderment, the manager of Tin Hau told us that Ms.Charisse already signed the bill (meaning, it would be deducted to her personal ledger on payday). We immediately called Ms.Charisse and confirmed it with her, and she just said it’s her treat to us. That moment, I could really hear the angels sing:-) My money just got saved again:-) And we even had free desserts courtesy of  Tin Hau’s manager.

Off to my last treat for the night…

Since the night’s still young, we decided to chill at Martini’s–the bar inside Mandarin Hotel. However, since Martinis has a dress code and I was wearing a jumpsuit last night, we decided to just stay at Captain’s Bar. Michelle ordered ladies’ drinks for us. The price of the drinks at that lounger is higher than your usual bar since it’s a hotel rate. Nevertheless, I just gave in since I haven’t spend a single amount for a food that night. So we chatted and chatted until we felt tired of talking and laughing. When we were about to get our bill, the attendant at Martinis told Michelle they’ll just fix the bill the next day because they’re just so busy that time. They didn’t even bother  checking what our orders were and how much would that be just in case. Well perhaps because they know us and they could see Michelle everyday in the hotel. But still, it’s close to saying  ’hey, don’t bother paying. it’s our treat!’ And to this moment, no one ever contacted Michelle for that bill.

You see, I got lots obvious of sweet treats from God last night. I could really picture Him smiling at my bewilderment with the way He orchestrated everything for that spur of the moment lakad. From the rain that didn’t stop when I prayed for it to stop to the last part of that gimik night, I really felt God with us. God didn’t listen to my prayer for the rain to stop because if He did,  I would have not experienced and enjoy His other treats for me which He carefully prepared for me, for us, that night. I would have not enjoyed His other blessings had I just relied on the money in my wallet and in my worries about my savings.

Indeed, God is really a God of miracles and wonderful smiles. Just when you thought there’s no way out, He’ll come crashing a wall just so you can pass through it and meet His provisions there:-)

I’m expecting a miracle today. Are you?

The Tithe is a Cursebreaker (Sharing a read.....)

This is a repost from the blog of Stefan Suarez regarding how should we view tithing. This read is such a blessing especially for those people who perceive tithing as a burden they want to be lifted up from them. 

“Do Christians have to tithe? Isn’t it strictly a Jewish thing? Paul said we no longer have to be circumcised. Why in the world do we still have to tithe?” – these were my questions around 2 years ago. These questions have blessed me. Why? Because this is when I started to ask questions about the New Covenant. I wanted to know the role of the law for believers. My beliefs in this area have radically changed in the last year or so. And now I’m confident enough to share with you what I’ve discovered.

Here’s the part that raised the most questions in my heart. Pastors in many churches would read these verses:

Malachi 3: 8 “Will a man rob God? Yet you rob me. “But you ask, ‘How do we rob you?’ “In tithes and offerings. 9 You are under a curse—the whole nation of you—because you are robbing me.

And they would say something like this:

“Guys, if you don’t tithe, you’re robbers. If my daughter were to bring someone into my house one day, I’ll ask him if he tithes or not. If he doesn’t, I won’t let him see my daughter because he is a robber.”

“Choose today if you want blessings or curses. If you tithe, God will bless you. If you don’t God will curse you. Do you want to rob God”

It raised two questions.

First- am I really robbing God when I tithe?
And second, am I really cursed when I don’t tithe?
How can God curse Christians?

The second question piqued my interest more. Why? Because it came in direct conflict with how I understood grace. If Jesus took our curse, how am I still cursed? For a time, I stopped tithing altogether because of this. I thought to myself – “Tithing is just like circumcision. It’s an old Jewish thing that has been abolished and non-Jewish believers (like myself) shouldn’t be bothered with it. Everytime and every place we are required to tithe we are being put under the law again – and people are wrongly brought under the curse.” So for the greater part of a whole year (2009ish) I did not tithe.

In the meantime, I still kept checking on my belief. I’d read on tithing every chance I got. Every time I came across a teaching that said people are cursed because they don’t tithe, I would dismiss it altogether because it’s usually from Malachi which I concluded was “obsolete”. I said to myself: “Show me one teaching that has text from the New Testament about tithing, and talks about the relationship of tithing and Christianity”. Like I said earlier, that question really blessed me. I kept digging and asking questions about our righteousness, the law, the cross, etc. All the while, the Holy Spirit was speaking in my heart about the New Covenant and grace, but it was all a little seed I couldn’t put in words back then.

Tithing in the New Covenant

Today I believe in the New Covenant. I believe that Jesus fulfilled the requirements of the law for me. God blesses me today according to how well Jesus obeyed the law – perfectly. So as far as “tithing the commandment” is concerned – like in the law of Moses, I cannot be cursed for “breaking” that. I will be blessed as if I am perfect in my obedience of that.

But tithing is more than just a law. It existed before the law. And if it were put in a law to begin with, doesn’t it mean that it is good? The Law of the Lord is good. It was the covenant of the Law which judges us according to our obedience of the law that was problematic. God found fault with that covenant and sent his Son to rescue us from that and begin a new covenant by his blood. But make no mistake: the Law is good! Ordinances about diet and hygiene spared the Jews from plagues and kept them healthy. God loves his people!

I also believe that the spirit behind the law is Jesus.

2 Corinthians 3: 15Even to this day when Moses is read, a veil covers their hearts. 16But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. 17Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

When people turn to Jesus, they begin to see him in the whole bible. They see him unveiled even in the Torah / Pentateuch. We cannot discard the entire Old Testament just because we associate it with “the Law” or with “the Old Covenant”. It was always about Jesus. He is the Spirit or the essence behind it, and when Christians see Jesus behind the law, there is freedom!

I no longer look at the 10 commandments with dread, I see it with excitement. Perfect love casts out all punishment-related fear.

I can jump off an airplane if I knew I had the Parachute. I would dare to tightrope if I knew there was the Net. Jesus sets us free from the old way we saw the law- THOU SHALT OR ELSE. Why? Because we know that even if we fall, he is there. God treats us like we did it perfectly, but invites us anyway to give it a shot. Right living is not a requirement for his blessing- it IS a blessing in and of itself, and we receive it by grace. It is true freedom to live right, doing so not because you were required to but because you want to. And that happens when we see Jesus as the Spirit behind these things.

God had always planned to give us Jesus and the New Covenant. What I’m here to tell you today is that the Tithe – just like so many things in the Old Testament – is a signpost to Jesus. It is a type and shadow of our Jesus. What do the Tithe and Jesus have in common?

The Tithe is a Cursebreaker

You see that verse in Malachi that always bothered me? It didn’t say God will curse the Jews for not tithing. It says they remain cursed because they didn’t tithe. We got the whole thing backwards.

When Adam fell, the ground was cursed because of his sin. He had to sweat and bleed to feed himself. All of creation was broken. Just like God gave the Jews ordinances about what to eat, how to treat skin infections, etc to SPARE them, he told them about tithing to spare them too! The tithe was a way out of the curse of Adam. Why? Because as far as God is concerned, when you give your firstfruits (your 10%), you’ve given him everything! And what God owns cannot remain cursed. That’s how the earth was cursed to begin with- by leaving God out of the picture. Tithing puts him back in. Everything you tithe, God co-owns with you. His protection and blessing come with it.

That’s why Tithing was around before the law of Moses. Abraham tithed when he saw Melchizidek (another “type” of Jesus – pointing to his priesthood), and we have no idea how he learned it. He just did it- probably out of a revelation from God- and because he saw Melchizidek, whom I really believe was a Jesus-apparition. He saw Jesus and his response was to tithe.

Romans 11: 16If the part of the dough offered as firstfruits is holy, then the whole batch is holy; if the root is holy, so are the branches.

Give God the root – the firstfruit – and everything is considered holy. The whole batch.

Jesus is the Tithe

In Jewish times, the “firstfruits” was the first of everything- animals in the herd, crops, even first born sons. Who is Jesus? The Father’s only begotten Son. And God gave him to us.

Just like the tithe fought against the curse of Adam, the true and better Tithe- Jesus Christ became unto us a second Adam. His mission – in the simplest of words – is to undo all the mess that Adam made. But we all know that he did more than that. We’re actually better off now!

The Spirit behind the tithe is Jesus. I believe God had his Son in mind when he told the Jews to tithe. And because the root is holy (Jesus), all of us are holy too. The whole batch!

Jesus, our Cursebreaker, who hung on the tree to take all our curses- was God’s tithe. His firstfruit. And we are in him. So we are holy. We are curse-free.

So do I Tithe?

Yes. My tithe proclaims Jesus.

I really believe that the firstfruits belong to God. He wants us to bring it to him to honor and acknowledge him. More than that, when I tithe, I proclaim that God sent his First Born Son for me!
I believe Jesus became poor so that we may become rich. I believe he took the curse, so I can receive the blessing. I am blessed because of Jesus. So I don’t tithe “so that I can be rich”. I tithe because I am already rich! Just like Abraham, I tithe to acknowledge that I am blessed and that it was God that blessed me, no one else. I tithe to acknowledge that I have a covenant with my God and I am not out there on my own – godless.
I am curse-free, but the world is not. And our money is part of the “cursed ground” of the world. Bringing it to God breaks that curse! So whenever new money comes in, I give God his share right away and I know the enemy can’t touch it. Even if I don’t tithe, God will provide and money will keep coming in. I believe that. But tithing signifies my desire to give God “access” to what is “mine”. It’s saying we co-own everything together. The tithe is really his, but he doesn’t grab it from us! He waits for us to give it, then he does his magic after that.
Looking back, I really have been blessed since this truth has been restored in my life!

Remember that it is about grace. It takes a revelation. Relax. Don’t force yourself. If you find yourself “forcing” your wallet open, maybe you need to ask God to show you more about this. It is a Living Spirit you need to catch, not some bible trivia, facts or dead rules. For me it is better not to tithe, than to tithe without grace. When God opens your eyes, it all becomes easy.

May God lift the veil for you today! The Tithe is a Cursebreaker. His name is Jesus.

Mountain-Climbing or Mountain-moving Faith?

Which kind of faith do you want to have? I say both. Each of them has its own 'perks' in the way you want to connect intimately with Jesus.

Mountain-moving faith is when you ask God for miracles to happen so you will be saved from whatever circumstance you may having at the moment. It is great kind of faith since you are giving your full trust to the one and only God. You are not relying on your own strength but on God's.

Mountain-climbing faith is when you ask God for maturity. It is when you ask God to do something for you and THROUGH you. You can say a mountain-climbing faith supersedes the mountain-moving faith. When you keep telling that mountain to move but it does not move, then perhaps God wants us to CLIMB that mountain. He has a different plan for us that is why He wants us to climb the mountain. It is not an easy thing to climb a mountain--literally and figuratively. It entails hard work, pain, and patience. It is however, during the climbing process that we could understand the lesson that God wants us to learn in order to develop our character so that we could be worthy of His provisions for us. It is on the top of the mountain that we could get to know and understand the real God we are worshipping. You can rest assure that when you get to the top of the mountain, you can meet God's provisions in your life.

We face a lot of challenges everyday of our lives. Some are easy to handle while some may seem too much for us to take. But no matter what, know that our faith in God will always lead us through. Do not demand from God but instead, know your place before Him. He is the ever powerful God and more than anyone else, He is the One who knows what's best for you. Just trust. just keep the faith no matter what.

Usapang Bata #13

My 3-year-old niece Chesca offered a bubble gum to my 3-year-old cousin Frey.

My mom: Ay Cheka wag mo siyang bigyan niyan. Baka malulon niya.

Chesca: Wag na lang pala, hindi ka pala marunong nito eh.

Frey: Arunong ako niyan, di ba Juti (Josie)?

My mom: Hindi ka marunong kumain niyan di ba?

Frey: Inde, arunong ako akain niyan.

Chesca: Alam q na lola, bibigyan q na lang siya nito pero tuturuan ko muna siya kumain.

----facing frey:

Chesca: Ganito kain niyan ah, nguya mo muna tapos pag ayaw mo na, itapon mo na ha. Wag mo lulon ha.

Frey: Arurunong nga aq niyan! (and grabbed the gum from Chesca)

This year, I'll spend it differently

I want to do something different for my birthday this year. Party? No. I've never been fond of parties, most especially if i'll be the one to host the party. I don't like the feeling that you're the center of attention just because it's your birthday. And yes, I don't like it that people are being super nice to me just because it's my birthday. Hey! No big fuss, ayt? it's just a day like any other ordinary day of your life.

ok. So much for that.

So what do i really want to do for my birthday?

Hmmm...since I'm scheduled to go to Sapang Palay, Bulacan on that day to visit my college friend, I realized I would like to spend my birthday being in sync with nature. I will declare my birthday a Nature Appreciation Day. i would watch the sun rise and spend the first few hours of my day praising and thanking God for this wonderful, sweet, and sour life He'd blessed me with. This year will indeed be a different year of celebrating my birthday since I am planning to spend it with God. Since my good friend and brother in Christ Franco will join me in going to Zuzi's house, I'll ask him to do some fellowshipping with me, too.

Fab! I am sure we'll both enjoy that day! A day with Christ and nature---what a truly fab way to spend your 27th birthday:-)

I love life!

God's Answers Revealed to Me Through a Fellow Volunteer

God indeed works in ways we don't know, but we can always be assured that everything's for our own good.

I was feeling a bit down again the past few days. Insecure thoughts and emotions kept feeding my mind and my heart. I kept seeking for God's answers and leading, but I can't seem to hear Him. I was feeling lost all over again.

But I still chose to hang on to God. I continued praying and seeking and praying and seeking God.

This morning, I was not feeling that giddy to go to church and volunteer in the Kids' Ministry so I texted my churchmate and coordinator that I can't take on my duty for this Sunday. I, however, felt uneasy after I sent the message so I closed my eyes and tried to contemplate on my decision. In the end, I decided to text my coordinator that I will attend the ministry today. I know in my heart that God would not like it if I will not fulfill my Sunday's duty to the church just because I'm feeling 'tamad' hence, the uneasiness.

And I great choice I made for eventhough I had to wake up early and spend half of my rest day taking care of the toddlers in the church, I felt good and happy because I'm serving God. And another wonderful thing was that I felt God talked to me through my fellow volunteer whom I've just met this morning. Leorey.

Leorey is 6 years my junior. She's new in the Kids' Ministry but she'd been part of the Ushering and Creative Ministry since 2007. I believe that girl was blessed with a compassionate heart to talk to people about their problems and worries and direct those negative thoughts and tribulations to triumphs and enlightenment through her encouraging Godly meesages. Her words deeply struck me though they were not really something new. In fact, I've been hearing about those preachings every now and then and I've read about it in the Bible a number of times. The way she delivered it and explained it to me, however, made a big difference. It honestly felt like God was the one talking to me when she spoke those words to me. And when she prayed for me, I really felt relief and victory. It was as if I became empowered and once again ready to face the next battles.

I believe God used Leorey to enlighten me and release me from the burden I'm carrying in my heart now. The past few days, I felt the deep silence of God. I've been seeking and seeking His answers but He never reveal them to me. Instead, He kept on implying in my heart that all I need to do is wait and relax--almost the same thing that Leorey told me this morning. I realized I've been more of a worrier than a believer the past days that I was not able to hear and feel God.

After my fellowship with Leorey and with Khaye, I felt relieved and blessed. It was as if I found my way to dreaming and hoping again. Indeed, God works in ways we don't know. WHo would have thought that just going to the church and volunteering in the ministry, i would be able to understand and fix this dilemma that's been ruining my system for days now? Only God could really show us the way. I'm glad I decided to stick to God and held on to His wonderful promises than listen to what the devil in my mind is saying.

Holding on to my Savior

I am not feeling good the past days. I feel down and out. I've been disappointed by the many things that's been happening in my life. The devil keeps telling me to let go of my faith in God and just turn my back from Him. But NO! I will never do such a thing. I am with God and now and there's no way I will go back to the life I used to have without Him in the center.

And to that scheming devil who's always whispering wicked thoughts in my mind, read this:

"I have my Lord and my Saviour to hold on to--no one else! This world with all its money and its people can never save me. Only my Almighty God."

Life is a piece of cake

Life is like a cake---certain awful tasting ingredients like raw egg, flour, etc, need to be mixed with sweet sugar in order to create a delicious cake which we'll surely enjoy. In our life, God allows bad things to happen for us to learn and be the person that He desires us to be.

My Faith Goals for 2010

This 2010, I'll try my best to:

Live well.
Love more.
Laugh often.
Smile frequently.
Be optimistic always.
Read more.
Pray and talk to God every single moment I could.
Spend a quiet time with God everyday.
Think good thoughts always.
More patience.
Forgive even when I'm not asked to.
Cry less.
Avoid hatred.
Avoid anger.
Avoid judging easily.
Get to know more people.
Sing often.
Dance my heart out.
Give selflessly.
Travel more.
Climb more mountains.
spend more time with myself and with my passion.
Stay focus.
Work harder but happily.
Be more goal-oriented.
Be more determined to achieve my goals.
Let go and move on.
Free myself from all bitterness and pains.


2010 is still a mystery for all of us. But we stay put in our faith, there's no way the coming year will be a bad year for us. We will surely meet some troubles and difficulties along the way, but we should not worry. Let us all cast our doubts and troubles to God for He is the source of our strength and no one else.

Keep your faith goals. Pray for it and ask God fervently for it. He will surely bless you with that in His right time. He is never deaf of our prayers. Believe that when you pray, God is already doing something for your prayer. It might not be visible instantly, but be rest assured that He is working His marvelous ways for your prayer requests.

God bless our 2010:-)

My Thank You List of 2009

I cannot consider 2009 a good year for me. So-so perhaps. Though, I still have a lot to be thankful for as this year is coming to an end.

*i'm still here, alive and kicking:-)
*my whole family's still complete.
*my papa's still with us, despite experiencing a near-death event.
*I am still a Christian and loving it. I am so grateful that God chose me to be part of His family of believers.
*I became part of the Kids Ministry in our church.
*I got to know a lot of people whom i will treasure forever.
*I still have a house and our stuff are still complete despite the Ondoy tragedy.
*Despite recession, I could still get to eat 3x a day--even more:-)
*I still have Oliver's family to call my second home.
*I was able to unleash another passion--mountain climbing!
*Ely Buendia's still alive.
*Tito, Vic, and Joey's still here.
*I got to know Peyton Sawyer and the rest of the One Tree Hill guys.
*i got to keep my true and faithful friends.
*I remained faithful and positive despite the various unfortunate circumstances I've went through this year.
*Me and Vannah got our franchised business.
*I was able to survive another year with Mandarin oriental,Manila:-)
*Despite many 'gastos' with papa's medications and hospitalization, we are still not banckrupt:-)
*I am thankful that I know God, that I could feel my love for Him is growing everyday, and that I was able to feel this feeling towards Him:-)

Remember, it doesn't hurt to keep an attitude of gratitude for there is always something to be thankful for:-). Our life, this world, our family and friends, they are enough reasons why we should continue the journey despite unfortunate circumstances and why we should stay focus to finish the race.

Always thank God in everything. You don't need a feng shui master, or lucky charms, or any magical powers that you can think of, to achieve or get what you want. Just ask God for HE ALONE could give you that. He is the ONLY God.

Happy New Year everyone! God bless us all:-)

God the Father Revealed-Week 2 Reconciliation

In last week’s service at VCF-Malate, Pastor Nixon talked about the Parableof the Prodigal Son. He further explained that in that parable, there is actually three prodigal characters: the second son (which is the one we already know about), the first son, and the father himself.

First, let’s define the meaning of the word Prodigal.

Prodigal means to give lavishly or extravagantly wasteful.

The second son who asked for his inheritance from his father and left their home was said to be prodigal because he lavishly wasted all the money he got from his father to some worldly things. As for the first son—the one who chose to stay with his father and tend his flocks—he was said to be prodigal, too, for the reason that he wasted extravagantly the time he's supposed to show his love for his father and just opted to focus more on tending the flock and the field.

So why is it that the father is also being considered prodigal?

Simply because he is extravagantly giving all his love to his sons without even thinking if that love is being wasted or not. Despite what the second son had done to him, he still accepted him when he returned and even called a feast for him. Moreover, when the first son got angry at him and chided him for still accepting the second son, he didn’t get angry at him. Instead, the father just hugged him and explained to him the reason why he still chose to accept the second son.

Our good God is exactly like the father in the story of the Prodigal Son. We might have failed him a million of times before or we might still be doing a lot of wrongs in our lives now, but He never and will never take His back on us.
More often than not, we chose to live in the way the norms of this world had thought us to live. We often neglect the teachings of God and laid comfortably on the thought that God will always understand that we are just human beings and are obviously prone to temptations. True, God will always forgive, but don’t you think that we are being too harsh on God, too unfair to Him? We always ask for His blessings, for His provisions in our lives, but we seldom take the initiative to delight Him by following Him. In our minds, we often reason out: This isn’t my time yet to be Holy, or to follow God and His rules, or to read the Bible, etc.

So when will be the right time? When we are already old enough to regret on the wasting a good part of our lives following the norms of this world? Or when we are already on our deathbed and just waiting for God’s call?

God, like most of the loving fathers we have, is a very loving, caring, and considerate father . He always gives and never ask for a grand thing from us. What He only asks of us is to love Him back, spend a couple of minutes of each day talking to Him, and just rest our faith in Him. He never asked us to give up our lives for Him for He knows that it’ll be too much for us to handle.

Let us not look at God us only our CREATOR. Rather, it’ll be much sweeter and lovely if we’ll start looking at God us our very own father who is always more than willing to bless us and delight us with good provisions.

Letting Go and Letting God

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;a time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;a time for war, and a time for peace.


Last Monday night was one of those nights when I sincerely felt God talking to me through the words in the Bible. And these words from the book of Ecclesiastes, I believe, was God’s message for me.

When I had my Victory Weekend last March and wholly submitted my life to God’s loving embrace, I sincerely proclaimed that I’ll be letting go of my past already. I was not sure if I’m ready enough that time to actually move on and let go, but what mattered to me was God’s desire for my life and what would satisfy Him. I know that my continously living in the past and reliving each and every precious memories I had there were seemingly not the things that would delight God. And since I was declared a new creation, I know I have to live a new life with brand new dreams and hopes—and that meant letting go of Oliver and that love that once bound us.

It was hard. It was one of the toughest decisions I had to make. For almost 5 years since he died, I’ve never entertained the idea of letting go of him and finding new love. It was always the ‘you and me till eternity or till the next life.’ I was never comfortable with the idea of leaving the memories of us behind and building a new chapter of my life with another man.
But as it was God’s plan for me to lose a wonderful love to a sudden death at a tender age of 21, it’s also part of his majestic plan that I’ll one day be strong enough to let go of my past and move forward to the new phase of my journey.

I honestly don’t know if I’m already outfitted for this ‘moving on’ thing, but one thing’s for sure, God is working in my life now. If before I only have a passive relationship with him, now it’s definitely activated. I could feel Him and I know that He could already feel my love for Him. Perhaps, it’s my faith in God that prompted me to face the sad reality that Oliver can never go back to this life and that we’re now living in two different worlds. For years, I’ve believed that Oliver could still hear me or could still talk to me even in dreams. But I was wrong. I was told that I might just being deceived by my emotions. Oliver will never be brought back to life no matter how many stories of ressurrection or reincarnation I could read, or no matter how frequent I am in visiting him in the cemetery, or how much I plead God for another shot. What’s done is done and there’s truly nothing I could do to it than to move on and let go.

And with unswerving faith to God’s promises and His plans for my life, I declared during the casting out part in the VCF Weekend that I’m already letting go of my past and will now move into another chapter of my life.

Honestly, there was relief when I declared my vow to move on and let go. It was as if I was liberated and was awaken from a deep slumber. I must admit, though, I still nurture in my heart that special love for Oliver. But of course, that feeling won’t ever cease from my heart. It will forever be a part of my being. After all, Oliver is still my one great love, and as Ricky Lee put it in his book Para Kay B:

“kadalasan, hindi nakakatuluyan ng isang tao ang kanyang one great love. Mananatili lang yang nakatago sa isang sulok sa puso mo.”

And finally, I decided to open my heart again. And with this unlocking comes a new series of falling and getting hurt again. I’m really not sure if I’m already geared up for this whole thing again. For a time, I let myself believed that I’m already done with this whole kaboosh of love. For a long period of time, I’ve succesfully safeguarded my heart from the twinge of love. And now, I’m really not sure if it’s worth giving love a shot in my life again.
I must admit, the thought of meeting that man whom God really desires for my life, excites me. Whenever I hear the pastors from our church saying endearing words to their wives or sharing lovely stories of their romance, it thrills me to know that there is really that one soul that God really prepared for you alone. As what the pastors always say, seek God’s desire for your lovelife and you’ll surely end up with the right person. It never fails to delight me whenever I see the lovely couples in our church whom I believed sought the desire of God first and put it first and foremost before their own choice that’s why they remain in love and in full bloom with their partners.

Perhaps I miss the feeling of being in love with a living person that I let myself be encapsulated with the thoughts of meeting somebody who will rightfully share a space with Oliver in my heart. Everytime I meet someone, i can’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, this man is already the man God planned for me. But no. None of them made it to God’s preference for me.

Those episodes were a bit disappointing, but I’m more hopeful now. I know that I am very much precious to God that He only wants the best for me. I’ve learned from my past mistakes and experiences. If before I easily sulk over a supposed-love-affair-that-just-ended-with-a-shrug-and-would-be’s, now I know how to handle situations like this better. I now pray for God’s desire for my life and not my own. I no longer pray for things that I want; rather, I pray for things that God wants for my life. It’s more of Him and less of me now.

And last night, as I went to God and sought comfort in Him for a somehow ‘hurting truth’ I’ve discovered, God revealed to me His promises through the book of Ecclesiastes: There’s always a time for everything. There’s no use rushing things if it’s not God doing or asking you to do it.

In this new life that I have with God, faith is what keeps me going and strong. I know that whatever circumstance I am and will be into, I just have to seek for God and His desire and I know that I’ll be alright. God is my strong refuge for always.

I am finally moving on and letting go….and I’m happily doing it with God.

I Found A New Passion

Dialogue from last week’s small group session with Ate Noemi:

Noemi: Ikaw Apple, nakikita q sau ung potential na maging isang missionary.
Me: Ako? Missionary? Nyek! Tlga?
Noemi: Oo. Tandaan mo ‘tong araw na ‘to, this exact time na sinabi q sau yan. Believe me, magiging isang missionary ka.

And a smile was plastered on my face from that time onwards.

To be perfectly frank and honest, never in my 25 years of existence had I imagined or even thought of myself as going to various places all over the world and spreading the good news about God. I mean, of course I love God with all my heart and with all my soul, but I just can’t seem to see myself doing that kind of thing. Not that I’m ashamed of it. It’s more of, “man, I’m apple lopez. Ask those people who know me and let them define what kind of person I am? Do you think those people would believe the things I say?” Wheewww!

I am not a good person. I’m friendly and approachable, but I’m not really good. I have my own dark side. My mom could definitely attest that they’re all frantic in the house every time I lose my temper. I’m never a good daughter or a sister. Not even a great friend. So how, in all sense of the word ‘how’ could someone see me as a future missionary and lecturer of the mighty words of God?

Nevertheless, I must admit that that ‘odd’ statement from my small group leader really did make me smile from the inside out. And then again, I was blessed with another goal in my life; another thing to hope for—and that’s to be a missionary of God.

Most people who’ve known me since time immemorial may find this really funny. Moreover, I might be ridiculed by my beloved friends for this another realization of mine. I could imagine them bursting out their hearts out with laughter once they found out about this new ‘trip’ of mine.

Oh well, whatever! Unimaginable as it is, but I believe that God really planned my life to be as uniquely important as ever. He never wanted it to be simple, in the first place. My love story was created very distinctly wonderful, and ended as distinctly painful as planned.

Looking back, I was just an ordinary young lady who, in a way, already knows what she wants in her life: To be a well-celebrated writer, as simple as that. God, however, didn’t want me to be just any ordinary woman with simple hopes in life. He wants me to live a life full of greatness. So He decided to add some spices to my less-seasoned existence. He sprinkled in a cup-full of pain in my heart, dash it with a gallon of tears, and drop wonderful bits of surprises before shaking it over.

What I am right now is the upshot of that brilliant mixture. I will never know how strong I am without those seemingly happy, sad, and tragic incidents in my life that perfectly defined what I am today. I am not to say I’m happy that I lost a great love to the inexorable slash of death. I’ll be the most stupid and stone-hearted creature on earth if I say so. I will never be relieved of that painful thought. However, now I thankfully know the reason behind that tragedy. It is for me to find God once again and be able to accept a new mission in my life.

Come to think of it, had that tragedy didn’t happen to me, I might not be able to actually experience this great feeling of closeness to God. I may be just like the other people who know in their mind that God is God, but are never really putting Him in their hearts. Everything that I’m doing for my religion may just be an obligation to me had I not experienced that kind of pain. It was through that pain that God pulled me back closer to Him and made me feel His warm embrace. It was through that unwanted pain that I was able to see God as my father and not just a god that I have to worship.

God wants me to serve Him in my own way. He wants both me and Oliver to serve Him in our own special ways. We might not be able to do that if we’re together in this world that God decided to call one from us to be with Him and serve Him in His kingdom in heaven, and He deemed that Oliver is much deserving to be called that time than me since he’d already found his worthy purpose, and he’s such a good man that God didn’t want this sinful world to exploit his mind and character again. As for me, I still have lots of catching ups to do that I had to be left here. It was very excruciating at first, but as I went on with my growing faith in God, I’m slowly understanding the purpose of our meeting, our love story, and its tragic ending.

Now, aside from pursuing my long-time passion of being a well-celebrated writer (a true writer in that sense and not just writer-wannabes who are just wasting that spaces in the newspaper and magazines with their ‘posh’ beauty ideas), God instilled me another passion that I’ve yet to pursue once I’m ripe enough to do it…and that’s to reach out to those people who are still not aware of God’s existence or are too stubborn and moved by worldly things to follow God’s calling.

Yes, I’m claiming it now, I will be a missionary. I will go to various places all over the world to preach about the goodness of God. Never mind if this goal is a bit too complicated and dangerous, especially in Muslim places. I know God will be in this journey. I didn’t ask for this feeling. God was the one who put this realization in my heart, and that’s why I’m confident that I could make it.

I’m still a big-time sinner. I’m never a dutiful Christian. I still have my mood swings and I still can’t control my temper. I still feel I’m not worthy to be called the child of God. People might still say “kala q ba Christian ka, eh bakit ka ganyan?” to me whenever I did something wrong. But what I’m armed with now is that faith that God is working His way in my mind, my heart, and in my life. He’s slowly changing me. In time, my little baby-steps towards changing my negative traits will soon be manifested in my actions and in my words. In time, I will be deserving to be called a ‘Christian’ without people raising their brows after the declaration. In time, I will be able to help in making every nation a nation of God.

But for now, let me just use this little space in the web, my God-given talent, and my heart’s content in spreading the good news about God. I hope that in one way or the other, you may find in this thousand of words a piece of relief to rest your wary mind and heart.

God is forever goodJ

Kapag May Ginugulo, May Binubuong Maganda

“When you feel that your life is
troubled now, believe that He is working things out to make everything a lot better for you…”

Thus uttered by our Pastor this Sunday’s church service—and that which really touched the very deep part of my mom’s heart. When I invited my mom to join me in the service last Saturday night, I was actually expecting to get a “tsaka na lang” answer from her. But no, I didn’t get that answer from her. Instead, she readily agreed to join me in the service.
The next day, while on our way to St. Thomas Square to attend the service, I was praying to God that He may touch my Mom through the day’s service and sharing and that she may find peace of mind and calmness of soul in whatever God’s message will be send out for the day.

And yes, God did hear my prayer. Not only did His words touch my Mom’s heart, but He even gave an answer to the questions that’s been running in her mind at present and even comforted her grief-stricken heart. Oh well, He also manifested His love and power to me that day.

For a couple of weeks now, our family’s been experiencing total sadness for the passing of my Tita Malu. It was the early dawn of June 21, 2008 when God peacefully carried on her tired physical body, which was long been battling with cancer, and welcomed her into His wonderful home in heaven. No, it wasn’t sudden. We were actually almost expecting that to occur—only that, we were still earnestly praying that what we’re expecting may not happen very soon. But it did, and it was very painful.

Nearly four year after the death of Oliver, I felt that familiar pain again—that pain which if only I could, I would really try to run away from my entire life. But I can’t, and we can’t. Seeing the gaunt, lifeless body of my once prettiest and cheerful Tita inside the coffin made me welcome that “most unwanted pain” again in my heart. That episode when we saw from a distance my tita’s coffin being brought near my lola’s house and seeing her lifeless body inside that metallic green box for the first time, was indeed one of the most painful part. Until now, I still can’t believe Tita Malu’s already gone for good.

Everyone in the family were totally devastated for this sad episode of our family’s drama—most especially my Tita’s husband and two little kids. We fought together as one united family in my Tita’s battle for cancer. We never stop praying for miracles. We never stop trusting God that everything will be well again with Tita Malu.

But that miracle we were all praying for didn’t happen. No matter how many pray-overs and healing masses/ceremonies, still Tita Malu didn’t survive that painful streak of cancer.
With this sad occurrence, can we say God is unjust and unfaithful to His people? Was he deaf with our prayers and blind and insensitive with our pains and sufferings?

NO. God is never unjust. Good thing that before Tita Malu left us, she was able to encourage the whole family to attend spiritual services at Loved Flock—the Catholic Community she was actively involved in with her husband. Through those spiritual seminars, my family got to know God more and feel Him much intimately in their hearts. True, they were always attending mass every Sundays, Fridays, and even Wednesdays, but their relationship to God is never different from that of an employee to his employer—distant and one-dimensional.

Perhaps, there were still questioning God at one point or the other. There may be some of us who, while badly missing Tita Malu, would think of turning his/her back away from God for he/she thinks that God is unjust and unfaithful for what He’d allow to occur in our family. But the good news is, God is very patient and understanding to us. He never carries grudges against His people for always exchanging Him for worldly pleasures and few moments of fun. Instead, He is always patiently waiting for us to realize His worth in our lives and make known to us of His great love for all His creations.

We may be in torturing pain right now, but just as what the Pastor this Sunday morning said, “When God is allowing this confusion and sorrow occur in your life, believe that He is cooking up something much greater for your own good…” And yes, these words from the Pastor made my mother cry. She told me that she felt that God was really talking to her this morning through those words from the Pastor. And yes, she never felt more relieved till now ever since Tita Malu left us. And glad I was more for I know that progressively, my Mom’s starting to have a more intimate relationship with God. He is indeed working His ways in my mother's life now.

God is never unfair. He is never deaf nor blind. Whatever circumstance we may be having right now, hard as it is, just believe that everything is with a wonderful purpose from God. I should know. I’ve been through hell and back when Oliver died, but now I’m glad to say that the God’s message for me through that painful event is slowly being uncovered to me. And yes, with God’s love, I am slowly getting by. I know that with this another painful event, God is again working His powerful ways to shower us with bountiful of love and blessings.
And whenever I feel down and out, missing Tita super bad, I just listen to this praise song that which never fails to comfort my grief-stricken heart now...

“When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are God”

This Race Called 'Life'

“Don’t just start the race, finish it…”

That adage kept me contemplating for the past two Sundays that I attended the Fight and Be Better series of Victory Christian Fellowship in U-Belt. The series is focused on giving the people the will to fight and continue the journey of life whatever circumstance is and no matter how tough the struggles are. Angled on the Olympic games and the various inspirational stories of different Olympic players, the series aims to inspire and touch the hearts of those people—Christians or not—to put their trust in God alone and follow His will as we journey through this race called ‘life.’

One of the most remarkable Olympic videos shown to us during this Sunday’s service was that of John Stephen Akhwari from Tanzania. He completed the race last (3:25:17) with a bandaged right leg from a bad fall. What greatly moved me was Akhwari’s words:

“My country didn’t send me 5,000 miles to start the race; They sent me 5,000 miles to finish the race…”

Undoubtedly inspiring and very moving words from someone who’d already been slapped with reality that it is already super impossible for him to win the race that time. By the time Akhwari reached the finish line, the awarding for the said game was already done and the winner was already proclaimed. However, he didn’t give up. It didn’t matter whether the game’s already done, the audience was already living. What mattered to him that time was to get to the finish line, because that was his promise to his countrymen when they sent him to the Olympics. And finished the race he did—despite the odds, despite the bandage, the bruise, and despite being the last. At least, he was able to fulfill his promise to get to the finish line.

I wish I am Akhwari--persistent; true to his words; unmoved by the odds and difficult circumstances.

In our lives surrounded by various obstacles from day-to-day, it’s indeed quite tough to be still. There were times when at the pit of your sorrows, you almost want to take your own life. Depression is one great thing that hinders an individual from finishing the race of life victoriously.

I, for one, had experienced numerous miseries in my life of 25 summers. Some almost made me want to give up and immediately cut on the race before I get to the finish line. There were some which made me want to stop at the middle and go back to the starting line and never run the race at all.

I must admit, I’ve been a coward at some points in my life. When I’m being sent glitches, I often contemplate a lot whether to accept it and get on with my journey. Oftentimes than not, I would just stand on the starting line, anxiety-driven, and I would just withdraw from the game and turn my back on what could have been wonderful possibilities had I only choose to get on with the fight. I’ve been a loser in various episodes of my life’s drama.
Thankfully, I found Him. Since the day I embraced Him fully in my life, in my heart I could feel the assurance that life will be better again. The dark nights were over and done. And yes, I’m ready to welcome the sunny days again.

I’ve been through the worst pain a young woman in her early 20s could have experienced. I lost a great love through a glum reason of death. In all those years since the day I kissed him goodbye in that cold room, my life had been a hodge-podge of grief, guilt, half-hearted smiles, and hopelessness. Somewhere along the way, however, God might have felt that I can no longer bear the misery and emptiness in my heart, that he opted to get a firm grip of my hand so I could feel Him. And yes, I’ve never felt even better since then.
It was my growing faith in God that made me stay and continue this journey. It was my faith in Him that gave me strength and hope that life will be better again for me. It was God who silently and invisibly prompted me to continue the race until I get to the finish line.

Just last year, I lost a dear cousin. A couple of months ago, a Tita I so love and hold dearly in my heart passed away, too because of cancer. I could have hated God. I could have loathed His power and His presence in my life. I could have asked Him why He keeps on letting the sad things in my life happen. But I didn’t. I remained firm with my faith. I remained still.

No amount of sadness or destruction or depression could make me turn my back on God anymore. He is my only Savior. With Him I found the serenity of life. I am not a totally good person, but I know in time, my faith and love for God would eventually manifest in my actions and attitudes. I will not rush things.

Living a life of Christianity is never an easy thing. It takes courage, perseverance, patience, and persistence to be a good one. I’m still in the process of developing my new self towards the goodness of God.

I hope that all people in this world could realize as early as now that God is love. He is not just there commanding and demanding. He is our ‘father.’ Let us all be still with our faith in Him no matter what, for He is forever still in His love for us no matter how bad we always are.


Let us all finish this race of life glorifying and praising the mighty Creator who breathe life in all of us.